This doesn't apply to you moms who have valid real reasons to keep your children away from dad.
While I am QUITE aware that this will not change the minds of some, I do hope that it at least it will bring some much-needed awareness to the subject!
As a parent I know that it's important for my children to have access to their dads. Don't get me wrong I wasn't perfect when either relationship ended. However I never downright ignored, avoided or refused to communicate with either of them. I would never ignore a text asking if everything is ok, or how the child is doing. If you would ask either of their dads they would agree that we went through a very rough patch. It did not last long but I myself am ashamed looking back on even that temporary rough patch. I've never thought that I alone was the only important parent.
There are way too many women who have children that down right believe that because they are a mother to the child that their rights are far superior to that of a father. This is not the case nor should it ever be the case. I believe wholeheartedly that a father's rights and love are just as important to the child. When did it become acceptable to refuse a man to be a part of a life that he created? I believe this not only seems childish, but also will only hurt the child that the mother is saying she loves so much! Clearly this is becoming out of control as I see time and time again fathers get smacked with child support and then have to scrimp and scavenge for extra money to pay a retainer to fight for visitation with his own child.
If the father is safe, not abusive and is not going to harm the child or put the child in danger you have NO good reason to not allow a healthy relationship to take place. It's just really that simple. I don't care if you don't like his family or his new girlfriend or even if he broke your heart! If that man is safe for the child to be around and wants to be there, you should let him! You need to think about your child's feelings and how it will look when they get older and figure out that dad was there the whole time trying to be a part of their life and YOU prevented it.
It's also unfair to hold visitation over someones head to try to get the father back. Clearly that's not going to work for you. If he's moved on maybe it's also time for you to do the same. Being a mother means putting your child and their feelings before your own.
Don't hold your child as a pawn because he has a new girlfriend or wife. You may feel like they are trying to replace you but 98% of the time they just want to be a part of their life too especially if they are in a committed relationship with the father of your child. I'm a child of a failed relationship and I didn't know until I was much older how long and hard my dad had to fight for the little visitation he got. When I was around 12 or 13 I was sent to live with my dad and It was in that home that my grades turned around, I made friends and I was able to see my dad.
I actually like and get along with the significant others of my exs. I respect them and consider them family. Heck I was just as excited as any one for my sons step mom to have her first-born! I called and texted and went to the hospital soon after she was born. She's not trying to replace me nor has she ever tried to. It took a lil while but I realized she loves my son and wants the best for him!
MY mom ( my dads 2nd wife) had been my mommy since I was 4 and "tickled pink freezing" It was an unconditional love, I was never her step daughter. I was her daughter. "There are no steps in my house, just the ones that go up stairs and down" I asked her to adopt me after I was sent to my dad and she did. (I understand that someone may read this and be upset and hurt. It's not my intentions ) My mom as you know her did not give birth to me but she's been there since before I even knew her. She was the mom who made sure I had a tutor when I needed it, summer school to avoid me being held back. made sure I was eating healthy meals and she made sure I was safe and loved ALWAYS.
My dad died about a year after I moved to Iowa to live with him. Honestly I have never said this before but there is quite a bit of resentment towards my birth mother I know that she loved me in her own way, but my dad & my mom loved me too and he deserved more time with me than what he was granted. I'm just one child that grew up to know how important and how much a good father means to a child.
Dont be the mom that uses petty selfish reasons to prevent a father - child relationship
No comments:
Post a Comment